Scars
by blackkisbackk
Summary: After Remus faces a rough transformation with Sirius by his side during recovery, both boys realize they may have feelings for one another.
1. Chapter 1

**Scars**

Remus Lupin crawled gingerly into bed very late that night after he had finally convinced Madam Pomfrey to let him out of the Hospital Wing after a particularly rough transformation. He laid on his back and let the full pain of his wounds wash over him. He could feel the blood pulsing through the veins in his legs, and it only took the slightest touch for one of his many wounds to cry out in pain. Remus attempted to adjust himself into a slightly more comfortable position, but he let in a sharp intake of breath when he felt his shredded robes rub against one of his more sensitive wounds. He closed his eyes and mouth tight trying to hold in the scream he desperately wanted to release.

"Remus?" Remus heard a tentative voice say from across the room. He heard the light scraping of metal against wood, which signified that one of his roommates had pulled back the curtains on his four-poster bed. Remus did not have the strength to shift his body to face the voice and he did not want to risk any movement that may irritate his injuries. As Madam Pomfrey had warned him, he had wished he'd stayed in the hospital under her watchful eye and powerful potions that always reduced his pain after the full moon.

When Remus did not answer his caller, he heard the heavy padding of feet across the room and then saw a shadow cover his bed.

"Are you alright, mate?" Sirius Black's deep but soft voice whispered.

"Fine," Remus said. He attempted to mask his pain but was sorely disappointed when his voice sounded much weaker than he had wanted it to.

"You don't sound fine," Sirius replied sitting as softly as he could on the edge of Remus's four-poster. Remus winced and prepared for the pain he was about to feel. Sirius was careful, however, not to move any part of Remus's body. "I'm surprised Pomfrey let you leave the hospital wing in this state," he said. His voice sounded sarcastic, but when Remus stole a glance at his friend's face, he could see the worry etched across his aristocratic features.

"She didn't want to," Remus said agonizingly. He wished Sirius would leave him alone so he would not have to make any effort to move or talk, but it didn't seem Sirius would be leaving his side any time soon. "It took quite a bit of persuasion."

"Did she give you anything for the pain?" Sirius asked.

"She gave me a calming serum to put on the open wounds, but…" Remus looked as his bag at the foot of his bed. Sirius understood. Remus was too weak to apply the ointment to his wounds himself.

Sirius grabbed the bag and began rooting through its contents. When he found a tube that he assumed was the calming serum, he twisted off the cap and said, "You know, you really should have stayed in the hospital wing." He gently lifted one of the arms of Remus's robes. Remus clinched his jaw at the feeling of the material on his wounds but was instantly relaxed when he felt Sirius dabbing the calming serum onto some of the more nasty looking cuts on his arm.

"I know," Remus gasped out. "I just hate it in there."

"Understandable," Sirius replied as he continued to tend to Remus, moving on to his next arm. "But Remus, you're clearly in extreme pain. I think a stay in the hospital wing is worth it."

"You don't have to do this," Remus said as Sirius opened the front of his robes and exposed the gruesome gashes across Remus's chest and stomach. Sirius shivered slightly at the sight of the wounds but then squeezed some of the calming serum onto his fingers.

"Well, I wouldn't," Sirius said. "But the last thing I want is to hear you crying all night. I need to get some sleep." Sirius smirked, and Remus was extremely thankful. He knew Sirius would normally never get this close to one of his mates, but he also knew that Sirius was always very concerned about Remus after his transformations. Remus's body was feeling better already as a result of the serum, but he didn't want Sirius to feel like he had to continue.

After several minutes of silence while Sirius applied the calming serum, almost all of Remus's wounds were soothed by Madam Pompfrey's potion. Sirius put the tube back into Remus's bag and looked at his friend. "Better?" he asked.

"Much," Remus sighed. "Thanks."

"Well, no more whining. I've got to get my beauty sleep." Sirius got up from Remus's bed and moved onto his own. He laid on his back, and Remus listened to his breathing. He never heard Sirius go into the deep, slow breathing that sleep brings, and he knew that Sirius was waiting for him to fall asleep first. Remus could still feel his high blood pressure, but the calming serum had significantly reduced his pain. Remus closed his eyes and let sleep come. A few minutes later, Sirius allowed sleep as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus's head was pounding when he woke up the next morning. When his eyes fluttered open, the rays of light penetrating the room stung his eyes and caused him to shut them back tightly. The blood was pounding so loudly in his ears that he could not hear anything but that when he tried to listen for his friends.

Remus began to turn over to check the time, but unfortunately, the effects of the calming serum that Sirius had applied the night before had worn off, and Remus's movement caused his wounds to scream with pain. He went back to his position on his back and clenched his teeth tightly. He tried to hold back a howl, but as a result, a tiny whimper escaped from his lips. Suddenly, as if on cue, the curtains from Remus's four poster were pulled back violently and a worried Sirius stood in front of him.

"What's wrong? Are you all right? Do you need me to go and get Madam Pomfrey?"

Remus opened his eyes slowly and couldn't help but smile at the look on Sirius's face. It was times like these when Sirius most looked like his animagus form as the wide, dog like eyes stared down at Remus. As badly as Remus did not want to go to the hospital wing, the pain was becoming unbearable. He had no idea what had warranted such a fierce transformation.

"I think I should probably go to the hospital wing, actually," Remus said quietly. He began to sit up slowly, and Sirius quickly bent down to help him. He held Remus's robes down so that he could slip out of them so as not to face the irritation of the material on his skin. Remus looked up at Sirius and saw his attempt to hide the horror he felt at seeing the wounds on Remus's bare chest, and he tried to use his arms to cover himself up.

"Don't be embarrassed, Rem," Sirius said, clearly ashamed that he'd been staring. "It's not your fault."

"I know, but—"

"Let's get you to the hospital wing," Sirius interrupted him and began helping him up. "I'm sure Madam Pomfrey has a bed already waiting for you. I bet she can't wait to say 'I told you so.'"

Sirius was right. After a long and slow walk to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey looked smug as soon as the doors opened and she saw Sirius, with his arm around Remus, standing in the doorway.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin. Surprise, surprise." She motioned them over to the bed that Sirius had predicted would be waiting for Remus, and Sirius helped Remus lay down. She looked like she wanted to say more about how she told him his wounds were worse than normal and that he would need to stay the night, but instead, she helped Sirius put Remus into the bed that was of course waiting for him.

"I'll be back in a moment," Madam Pomfrey said after Remus was finally adjusted into the bed. She then headed toward her potions closet to find what Remus needed.

"Thanks for doing this, Sirius," Remus said once Pomfrey was out of ear shot. After a moment, he spoke again, "What were you doing in the dormitory anyway? It's well past breakfast and it's a beautiful Saturday." Sirius just shrugged and looked shy, and Remus felt a surge of gratitude for his friend when he realized that Sirius had stayed behind to look after him. "Where're Prongs and Wormtail?" Remus asked to change the subject.

"Prongs is with Lily of course," Sirius said, looking relieved. "They decided to take a walk on the grounds, which I'm sure led to a great deal of snogging. Wormtail is—"

"All right, Mr. Lupin, here we are," Madam Pomfrey had returned with an array of potions and serums for Remus. "This one first." Remus stayed lying down, and Sirius held his friend's head up while Madam Pomfrey dipped the potion back slowly into Remus's mouth. Suddenly, Remus pushed Madam Pomfrey's hand away from his mouth, jolted up, and vomited violently into the trashcan beside his bed. Sirius held the trashcan up to Remus and smoothed his hair back, while Madam Pomfrey waited for the episode to pass. After a few more minutes of vomiting, Remus finally pushed the trashcan away from his face, and with a wave of his wand, Sirius cleared the contents of the trashcan.

When Sirius set the trashcan down, Madam Pomfrey said, "Keep that can close, Mr. Black. I'm sure there's more where that came from." Remus looked at his friend apologetically. He tried to apologize verbally, but when he opened his mouth, no words came out. Sirius just gave him a look as if to assure him that it was fine.

"Next," Madam Pomfrey said. After several more potions, Madam Pomfrey announced that that was the last of it at least for a few hours. She told Remus that she would check on him periodically, and then with a look at Sirius the aging witch retired to the other room. Remus was still very white, but he told Sirius who was still standing beside his bed that he felt a bit better.

The last potion Madam Pomfrey had given Remus had been a sleeping draught so that he could sleep peacefully. Remus had already begun to feel drowsy, but he wanted to make sure Sirius left. He didn't want Sirius to see him like this, for starters, and he didn't want his friend to miss out on such a beautiful day.

"Sirius, go," Remus said. "You have no idea how much I appreciate what you've done for me today, but I don't want both of us cooped up in here all day. There are probably tons of girls on the grounds who've been waiting for you all day," Remus finished with a small smile.

Sirius smiled in return but said, "I don't care about them. You're one of my best mates, and I'm staying here with you."

"You're not, Sirius. I want you to go—"

"Well, I'm not—"

"Sirius, please…"

"Remus, I'm not leaving you here alone. You hate it here, I know you do—"

"You're right, I do—"

"Then it's settled."

"Sirius—"

"I don't see what the problem is, Remus!"

"I don't want you here, Sirius! I don't want you to see me like this!" Remus's face reddened as soon as he spoke his final sentence. He looked away from Sirius, but Sirius kept his eyes locked on Remus. Remus could feel Sirius's eyes on him.

"I've seen you like this, Remus, and I don't care. You know I don't." Remus could hear the chill in Sirius's voice, which sent that chill throughout Remus's entire body. "But if you want me to go, I'll go," Sirius finished, and turned around to head toward the door to the hospital wing.

Remus wanted to apologize. He wanted to explain, but he didn't know what there was to explain. He didn't know why he suddenly did not want Sirius to see him in this state. He did not know why he told Sirius to go when he was the one person Remus wanted by his side. Remus did not understand why his heart beat a thousand beats a minute when Sirius had been smoothing Remus's hair back while he was getting sick earlier. He wanted to explain, but he couldn't, so instead, he watched Sirius walk out the door of the hospital wing and let the sleeping draught take over.

Outside the hospital wing, Sirius waited a few minutes until after he was sure that Remus was asleep. He then opened the door quietly and slowly and walked just as quietly over to Remus's bed and sat down beside it. Sirius did not understand why Remus did not want him around, and as much as that broke Sirius's heart—something he would never admit—he refused to leave Remus. Yes, there were certainly tons of girls waiting for him beside the lake, and James and Peter were now probably wondering where Sirius had gone off to, but Sirius did not care. It was a beautiful day, Remus was right about that, but on this beautiful day, Sirius wanted nothing more than to sit beside Remus's bed and make sure he was all right. Sirius took Remus's hand in his and watched his friend sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

A few hours later, Remus woke up feeling sick again. He looked around for the trashcan, and when he looked to his left and saw Sirius sitting in a soft chair beside him, slumbering peacefully with a copy of _The Daily Prophet_ resting on his chest, Remus thought his heart would explode. His dreams had been filled with Sirius, and he had hoped Sirius would be there when he woke up, but he had been sure that he'd driven Sirius away for a long while. Before he could wake his friend to apologize, he became violently ill into the trashcan once again.

Sirius sat up quickly and dropped the _Prophet_ onto the floor. He picked up the trashcan so Remus would have a better shot of aiming his sick into the can which he had failed to do quite a bit. Sirius looked back at the room Madam Pomfrey had been in and saw her standing in the doorway looking at Sirius and Remus. She smiled at Sirius and turned back into her room, knowing that Remus was in good hands. Sirius placed a soft hand on Remus's shoulder while he continued to be sick, and Remus felt tears sting his eyes. Sirius had never done anything except be a great friend to Remus, and he had come back after Remus had been awful to him.

After Remus finished vomiting and Sirius used his wand to finish cleaning up the spots where Remus had missed the trashcan, Sirius sat down again next to Remus's bed. Remus was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," he said quietly. His throat was very sore.

"It's all right, Rem," Sirius said with an equally quiet tone. His throat was fine, but the way he felt inside was not.

"No… It's not," Remus swallowed and stared at the foot of his bed. "I don't know why I told you to leave…"

"You didn't want me here, I understand." Sirius was looking inquisitively at Remus.

Remus looked at Sirius, "But I did. I wanted you here more than anything. I just…" Remus did not know what to say. Finally, he said, "I hate what I am, Sirius. I—I'm a monster… and sometimes, I feel like I need to face that pain and wallow in my sorrow and self pity alone…" He looked away from Sirius.

Sirius stood up and scooted his chair next to Remus's bed and sat back down, so that his face was a mere foot from Remus's. He looked at Remus who was still looking away. "Look at me," Sirius said. Remus didn't move. "Look at me, Remus," Sirius said with a bit more force. Remus turned his head slowly to look at Sirius. His eyes were red and glittered with tears. "You are _not_ a monster, Remus. Something awful happened to you when you were a boy, at no fault to you. A true monster tried to ruin the life of a young boy, but he didn't, Remus. You survived. You have friends who care about you, and although you go through this body destroying transformation once a month, you survive it and you get through it because you're strong and you have an enormous heart. You are not a monster, and a few cuts and bruises aren't going to scare me off." Sirius paused for a moment and then said, "I'm not going to let you push me and your other friends away because of some self loathing bollocks. I'm sitting by your bed until Pomfrey lets you out or forces me to leave, so you better just get used to me."

Remus looked at Sirius as he never had before. He did not know how to respond, so instead of speaking, he reached his hand up and placed it on the back of Sirius's neck. Sirius placed a hand on Remus's arm, and they looked at each other for a long time. Remus moved his hand so that his thumb was on Sirius's cheek. He stroked his thumb gently across Sirius's cheek and Sirius closed his eyes and leaned into Remus's touch. Sirius felt as if his cheek was on fire. Sirius moved his own hand and placed it on top of Remus's hand. Sirius felt pressure on the back of his head as Remus pulled Sirius closer to him.

Now, Sirius's face was mere inches from Remus's, and the two young men stayed in that position for what felt like years to Sirius and Remus, but only had to be a few seconds. After another few moments like that, the door to the hospital wing slammed open, and Sirius and Remus quickly let go of each other. Sirius did not know what had just happened, and he did not know what would have happen had James and Peter not come barreling into the room, but Sirius quickly switched gears and plastered a smile onto his face when he turned to face his other two partners in crime.

"Oi, Padfoot! There you are! We knew Moony would be here, but we've been looking around for you all day," James said happily.

"All day?" Sirius questioned with a smirk that marked his disbelief.

"Not even close," Peter said. "He's been snogging Lily all day. He only just started looking for you about 15 minutes ago." Sirius laughed out loud and glanced at Remus who was not smiling. He was looking at the hand that had just been on Sirius's cheek with a look that Sirius could not quite place. For a brief moment, the smile slipped off of Sirius's face and after a flash of eye contact between Remus and Sirius, Remus looked at Peter and a smile broke across his face.

"Where have you been, Peter?" Remus asked.

"Watching, no doubt," Sirius replied. Remus, Sirius, and James burst out into laughter, and Peter sulked.

Remus winced and clutched at one of his wounds. James saw this and moved quickly over to Remus. "Hey, mate, are you all right?" James asked him. "Do you want me to get Madam Pomfrey?"

Sirius turned swiftly to Remus and moved to his side. He placed his hand where Remus's hand was resting on his wound. Remus looked at him and moved Sirius's hand away. "No, I'm fine." Remus tried to sit up on his own, but when he gasped with pain, Sirius and James were at his side to help him. Remus smiled as his friends helped him moved into a sitting position. He tried hard not to make eye contact with Sirius when Sirius's hand had moved to Remus's thigh when he was helping Remus up.

"Thanks," Remus said, looking only at James.

"Hey, no problem, mate. Anything for you and your furry little problem," James sat down in the chair that Sirius had been sitting in earlier, leaving Sirius and Peter to stand. Sirius stayed where he had just been when he had helped Remus sit up. He was very close, and Remus could smell his familiar scent, which Remus breathed in as deeply as he could.

"Have you been here all day, Sirius?" Peter asked, picking up _The Daily Prophet. _

"Oh—er—yeah, well, I just happened to be there when R-Remus started to feel bad, and I didn't want to leave him in here," Sirius tried to remain calm, but he could tell he was doing a pretty poor job.

"Hm," James said. He was looking at the paper Peter was holding, and when he saw something that interested him, he took it from Peter. "More deaths and disappearances," he said.

Peter walked over to James and looked at what James was looking at. James read aloud, "'For those who speak out openly against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, disappearance and/or death seem to be what follow consequently. Rhia Rushworth, an assistant Healer at St. Mungo's recently spoke out against the tactics used by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, calling him a "despicable monster" in an interview at St. Mungo's where patient attendance is at an all time high, and was later found dead in her London home. Rumors of a secret society known as the "Order of the Phoenix" have been abundant as of late, but deaths and disappearances such as these make witches and wizards wonder if those in the Order will ever come to their rescue…'"

"What does this guy expect?" Sirius said angrily. He ripped the _Prophet_ out of James's hand and shoved it into the trashcan beside the open bed next to Remus's. "The Order already has limited numbers, and if the _Prophet_ and Ministry keep using scare tactics like this, no one will ever want to join the side of good!" Sirius's voice was dangerously approaching a shout. "Three more months and we'll be finished with Hogwarts. The first thing I'll do is join the Order."

"Here, here!" James replied heartily. Remus smiled and nodded, but Peter just looked frightened.

"I heard that You-Know-Who removes people's toenails one by one before he kills them, and—"

"Stop, Peter," Sirius cut him off, clearly annoyed. "Where do you even hear things like this?" Peter shrugged, and Sirius went on. "Even if that were true, Peter, don't you think it's worth it? I think it's worth it to get my toenails removed before my death if it means I did anything—if I tried my hardest—to save the wizarding world, to save my friends…the ones that I love…" He looked at James and Peter and then down at Remus, but Remus did not look up at him. For a while, no one spoke. Sirius was sure that James was thinking of Lily, and he hoped that Remus was thinking of him as he was thinking of Remus.

"Well, I'm joining up as soon as I'm out of here, too!" James said. "I say 'Kill the' you say 'Dark Lord'—Kill the!..."

Sirius and Remus exploded with laughter, and even Peter began to laugh. All four boys laughed until their sides hurt and their stomachs began to cramp. Sirius, James, and Peter stayed in the hospital wing talking about Lord Voldemort for the next couple hours, until finally dusk began to settle in.

"We should probably go grab some food from the Great Hall," James said after they had just had a discussion about Bellatrix Lestrange, one of Voldemort's known followers and Sirius's cousin. Sirius still seemed put off by the conversation, but he agreed. He had brought Remus to the hospital wing in the morning and had not left since then; his stomach was therefore growling at him angrily.

"We'll come back later, Remus," James said.

"No, no, you guys go back to the common room. I'll be fine. I need to get some rest anyway," Remus said. Sirius looked like he wanted to protest but said nothing.

"Okay," James said. "We'll come by tomorrow then."

"She'll let me out by tomorrow," Remus said shaking his head. "Don't worry about it. I'll see you later tomorrow probably around lunch time." Sirius opened his mouth and closed it again. James shrugged and Peter looked relieved. He hated the hospital wing almost as much as Remus did.

"To the Great Hall!" James said loudly. Madam Pomfrey poked her head out of her room and gave the boys a look. "Sorry, Madam Pomfrey. We're on our way out." When she ducked back into the room, James finished by saying, "Don't get your knickers twisted." The others laughed. They all waved goodbye to Remus as they headed to the Great Hall.

"Sirius!" Remus called right as the door was about to close. Sirius told the others he would catch up and went back to Remus's bedside.

"Could you maybe bring my Charms and Transfiguration books by later? I don't want to stare at the wall during all my waking hours," _thinking about you_ Remus wanted to add.

"Oh… yeah, no problem… Is that—is that all you wanted?" Sirius asked shyly.

"No." Remus took Sirius's hand and pulled him toward him. "What was that earlier?" he asked.

"I-I don't know." Sirius reached up and ran a hand through Remus's hair. Sirius kept his hand on Remus and moved slowly down to his shoulder. Remus closed his eyes as he felt Sirius's hand move down his arm. His hand then moved to Remus's stomach. When Sirius's hand started to move further down, Remus opened his eyes and put his own hand on to Sirius's hand.

"Sirius…" Remus moved Sirius's hand to his side. "You should go to the Great Hall. I'm sure you're starving. I'll see you later—when you bring by the books." At first when Remus said to go to the Great Hall, Sirius had felt slightly embarrassed, but when he said he would see him later, Sirius got his confidence back.

"Yeah…" Sirius smiled. "Later…"


	4. Chapter 4

_All reviews have been so greatly appreciated. Thank you all so much._

The next day, Sirius was sitting in the common room staring at the empty fireplace. After breakfast with James, Peter, Lily, and some of Lily's friends, Sirius had come to the common room, taken his current place, and he had remained there for several hours. James had insisted that Sirius go down to the lake with him, as it was a crisp March day that deserved to be used by the Marauders, but Sirius said he didn't feel up to it and had taken his position by the fireplace that had not been home to fire for several weeks. Of course, all Sirius could think about was Remus and everything that had happened the day before.

When Sirius had brought Remus his books he had requested the previous night, Remus had been sleeping soundly in his hospital bed. Because of the rough transformation Remus had had, he refused to wake Remus up, and he didn't know quite how he felt about that. Disappointed? Disappointed about what exactly? So, Sirius had stayed in the hospital wing for about fifteen minutes watching Remus sleep and then returned to his four-poster bed in the dormitory. Sirius had no idea what had happened yesterday, and at this spot by the fire, he was trying to figure it out.

Remus had been grateful. Grateful that his best mate had been there at night when his wounds were screaming with pain, when he woke that next morning to even worse pain, and when he went back to the hospital wing to get the care he needed. Remus had therefore showed his gratitude by placing a gentle hand on the back of Sirius's neck, which had sent shivers throughout the entirety of Sirius's body.

Sirius tried to think about that night in terms of what would and could have happened. If James and Peter had not come barging in, what would have happened? If Remus had not taken Sirius's hand off of Remus's stomach, what would have happened? Sirius did not know the answers to these questions, and he most certainly did not know how he was feeling. Remus was the greatest in Sirius's eyes. He was smart, kind, fun, hilarious, handsome in his own way, and loyal; something Sirius prized above all other things.

Sirius was confused, but after hours of thinking and rummaging through his mind, he decided: No. Last night had meant nothing. Sirius had been terribly worried about Remus and the state he was in, so it was only natural that Sirius would want to make sure that his friend was all right—he had always been very protective of Remus. A touch on the arm, a stroke of the cheek only meant that Sirius was showing his hurt friend that he was there for him. It did not mean—

"Sirius?" Sirius thought his heart might explode out of his chest when he heard Remus softly say his name.

"Merlin, Moony, you nearly made me wet my knickers," Sirius said.

Remus chuckled and said, "I didn't mean to scare you. You seemed lost in thought, and I wondered if I might help you sort through whatever you're thinking."

Deciding he was not quite ready for the talk he knew must come, Sirius changed the subject only slightly. "I didn't even know Pomfrey let you out of the hospital wing."

"Only just now," Remus said. He noticed the shift in conversation and frowned at this.

"How are you feeling?" Sirius asked, moving over on the long couch he was sitting on to give Remus room to sit next to him. Remus sat down close to Sirius so that their knees were almost touching, but Sirius moved farther over to create more space between them, causing the frown on Remus's face to deepen.

"All right, I guess," Remus said. Sirius nodded and silence swallowed both of the boys. Now in his seventh year at Hogwarts, Remus could say that he was no fool when it came to Sirius Black. He knew exactly when his friend was trying to avoid something he knew he needed to do.

"Sirius, you're lousy at small talk," Remus said, causing Sirius to smile and nod. "Yesterday—"

"I really have to go, Rem, I'm sorry," Sirius quickly stood up from his spot on the couch. "James wants me to r-run some Quidditch plays with him, and I promised." Sirius headed toward the portrait hole and tried to ignore the hurt look on Remus's face. "Look, we'll talk later, okay?" Without waiting for an answer, Sirius stumbled through the portrait hole and did not look back.

About five minutes later, James and Lily came through the portrait hole with Peter at their tails. Remus was furious.

Of course Sirius didn't want to talk. As far as Remus was concerned, Sirius was a coward and Remus had no tolerance for cowardice.


	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks later, the incident between Sirius and Remus seemed to be all but forgotten by both parties. The last Hogsmeade weekend of the year was the upcoming weekend, and none of the boys seemed excited about it. Remus and James, as a prefect and Head Boy, respectively, were required to perform their duties at Hogsmeade as a part of the enhanced security in the village since the rise of Lord Voldemort. The village had already been swarming with Aurors during the last Hogsmeade weekend, but Dumbledore wanted literally every hand on deck, including student officials. Neither James nor Remus was looking forward to this, and Sirius was not particularly looking forward to spending the day alone with Peter, who repelled girls worse than if he suddenly turned into the Whomping Willow.

Classes had ended for the day and the evening was settling in, casting a faint orange glow into the tower. Remus was sitting in the empty common room in his usual spot next to the bare fireplace when Sirius and James came bounding through the portrait hole. Remus smiled when he looked up and saw them, knowing full well that they had probably just been up to some of their old tricks.

"Did you see the look on Snivelly's face when—"

"Severus, again? Really? I thought you two would have tired of him by now, especially now that you're with Lily," Remus said looking at James from where he was sitting. Remus wore a frown, but he was surely laughing on the inside.

"Old habits die hard, Rem," Sirius said. Just as he had for the past few weeks, Remus blushed when Sirius addressed him. Things had still been fairly awkward between the two friends since the incident in the hospital wing, but they were on their way to improvement. James sat down in the comfortable chair next to the couch Remus was occupying, and Sirius took a seat dangerously close to Remus on that couch. Remus tried to move away subtly, but he was on the end of the couch and Sirius had him sandwiched. "Besides, James is Head Boy now, so we haven't been able to have much fun lately. We have to get it while we can," Sirius said happily. He clenched his aristocratic jaw several times and Remus could not help but stare at that movement out of the corner of his eye. He could feel all of his limbs tingling. Sirius knew he was sitting too close to Remus, but he could not help himself. He could feel Remus's eyes on him, which gave him an excited jolt.

"And that dreadful Hogsmeade weekend is coming up, so I'm definitely not going to be able to have any fun then," James said, leaning back comfortably in his chair. They sat in silence for a few moments before James said, "Where's Pete?"

"I don't know," Remus said. "He left the room earlier in a mad dash and I haven't seen him since. I'm not too worried about it," he finished. James laughed and Sirius joined him.

"He's probably off with that lass he's been following around for months," Sirius said. "The girl sees nothing in him, but she loves the attention."

"Pete's got a good heart. Maybe she likes that about him," James said hopefully.

"Not likely," Sirius said. He laughed and put an arm around Remus. "What about you, my boy, any dames catch your eye lately?" James laughed and Remus squirmed in his spot.

"Er—no, not really, no one special," Remus said. Sirius could tell his friend was uncomfortable, but he didn't care. He did not want to take his arm off of Remus.

"Well, she's out there," Sirius began. "Take me and Collette, for instance—"

"Collette?" James interjected. "What about Elizabeth?"

"Elizabeth is old news. She started calling me her boyfriend, and I did _not_ like the sound of that," Sirius said. "Anyway, me and Collette, you know, we get each other. She knows I need my space and I know she likes to flirt…with _everyone_, but we've got it figured out. One day, you'll find a gal like that, Rem, and when you do, hold on to her."

Without explanation, anger flared up inside Remus. He stood up quickly from where he was sitting and grabbed all of his things before storming up the seventh year boys' dormitory. Sirius looked at James who shook his head.

"You should probably go talk to him," James said.

"Me? Why me?"

"Because it was obviously something _you_ said."

Sirius could not help but see that James had a point. He knew he had been pushing Remus's buttons, and he had been doing that a lot lately. It had always annoyed Remus to hear about Sirius's exploits, and ever since the hospital wing, Sirius had been talking about them more and more. Sirius did not know if he had something to prove or what, but he knew that it was taking a toll on his friendship with Remus. Swallowing his pride, Sirius stood up and walked up to the dormitory.

"Remus?" he called out tentatively when he entered the room. Remus was sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Sirius walked over slowly and took a seat next to his friend. Remus quickly jumped up.

"What do you want, Sirius?"

"I-I'm sorry for what I said down there. I was just kidding around about Collette," Sirius rambled on. "I didn't mean to insult you or anything because you don't have a girl. I was just saying that I want you to be happy—"

"Oh, come off it, Sirius!" Remus said angrily. "You don't have to feel sorry for me and I don't feel sorry for myself because I 'don't have a girl', as you say. You know exactly why I got upset down there. You may have forgotten everything that happened during my last transformation, but I haven't!" Remus was fuming, raising his voice to almost a yell. "You may want to act like it meant nothing, but I can't lie to myself like you can. I can't lie to myself and pretend that relationships with girls named _Collette_ actually mean anything. You hide behind this façade of women and pretend like you've got it all figured out. I've—"

"Look, I didn't forget, Remus, and I know it didn't mean nothing! I don't know what it meant, and neither do you. Oh, you think you have me all figured out, don't you?" Sirius had raised his voice as well and had moved off the bed. He was now standing about two feet from Remus. "I hide behind a façade of women? You hide behind your books and your words! All you do is hide, it's all you know how to do!"

"That's a laugh, Sirius, it really is. You knew how I felt—"

"Did I?" Sirius yelled. "I had absolutely no _idea_ how you felt, Remus! You act like you were so forthcoming and up front, well you weren't."

"I waited for you!" Remus took a few steps closer to Sirius. "I waited for you to come to me that night and the next morning, but you never did. I knew why, deep down. I knew you wouldn't come because you are what you are, Sirius—a coward!"

Sirius took a step forward and looked as if he might hit Remus. "I did come back for you," he said. His voice was now low, as if he were growling. "I brought your stupid books and I sat by your bed. You were asleep!"

"You couldn't have come any later! You came when you knew I would be asleep so you wouldn't have to deal with your feelings," Remus's voice finally broke. "Sirius Black, the heartbreaker. Sirius Black, never the one woman man. More like Sirius Black, the man who can never face how he truly feels."

"You're being absolutely ridiculous," Sirius said, the volume of his voice now rising again. "I came back late on purpose? I came back late because McGonagall would have had my head if she knew I was out past hours again! I had to be careful, something you know all about. Remus Lupin, never a toe out of line!"

"I would have put a toe out of line for you, Sirius! I wanted you! I waited for you—"

"Oh, yeah, you waited for me, I know, but I was too much of a COWARD TO COME BACK!"

Remus turned as if to leave the room, but Sirius was very quick. He grabbed Remus's arm and turned him around to face him. Then, with a great deal of force, Sirius pushed Remus against the wall behind them, pushing his own body against Remus's. Remus could feel a jolt beneath his belt, but he lifted his arms and tried to push Sirius off of him. Sirius grabbed onto Remus's wrists and stared fiercely into his eyes.

"Get off me," Remus said quietly.

"No."

With his hands still wrapped tightly around Remus's wrists, Sirius leaned in slowly and placed his right cheek onto Remus's right cheek. Although Remus was still struggling to be free, his body went crazy when he began to feel Sirius's stubble on the side of his face and Sirius's breath on his neck, causing Remus to tremble. Sirius slid his face across Remus's so that his nose was now on Remus's cheek. Remus could feel his shoulders slouch as he gave in to Sirius. Sirius then moved his face again so that his and Remus's noses were touching for several moments before moving his left cheek onto Remus's left cheek. Sirius bowed his head so that his chin was in the crook of Remus's neck. Remus felt Sirius's lips brush his jaw line. Without meaning to, Remus let out a soft moan when he felt Sirius's mouth press onto his neck in a soft kiss. After a few moments, Sirius began to kiss Remus all over his neck. He still had a hold on Remus's wrists, but he had loosened his grip so he held them softly but firmly next to them, so that Remus's wrists were parallel to his shoulders. Remus could not stop the moans from escaping as Sirius showered his neck with kisses. When Remus felt Sirius's tongue graze his neck, Remus softly hissed Sirius's name, causing Sirius to feel a twitch in his pants.

Without warning, Sirius heard bounding up the stairs in the direction of their dormitory and let go of Remus quickly when he realized that either James or Peter must be coming up to the room. Sirius walked quickly over to his bed just in time to hear Peter open the door and come scrambling into the room. Sirius glanced over at Remus and saw that his friend still had his hands in the air where Sirius had left them. Peter came to a halt when realized that he may have just interrupted something.

"Oh, er—um, sorry, James said he thought you two were having a row, but you had quieted down, so he thought it was safe for me to come up here," Peter was looking quickly between Sirius and Remus, who did not say anything. "I just wanted to get my Potions book. Gertrude was tutoring me, and so I just…" Peter's voice trailed off when both Remus and Sirius remained silent. Peter knew the situation had to be severe if Sirius did not take the time to make a joke about Gertrude, the girl Peter had been shamelessly desperate for for quite some time. Sirius took a seat on the edge of his bed, and Peter walked quickly over to his own. Remus was still standing in the same position, although he had lowered his arms.

"Well, I'll be off then," Peter said after grabbing his Potions book from under his bed. He looked at Remus and Sirius awkwardly before finally leaving the room again.

For several minutes—but for what felt like an eternity—Remus and Sirius stayed where they were and did not make any sound. Remus's head was empty. The only thing he could think of was the feeling of Sirius's mouth on his neck, his breath leaving a trail behind. Sirius's head, however, was full, so full that he could not comprehend any of his own thoughts.

After a long while, Remus heard footsteps approaching and then stop tentatively outside the door to the dormitory. Both Remus and Sirius had not moved or spoken since before Peter had entered the room. After a few seconds, James opened the door and stepped in. He looked to his left at Remus and then looked ahead of himself at Sirius sitting on his bed. Without saying anything, James walked over to his trunk and rummaged through it. He grabbed out Lily's Transfiguration book that he had been borrowing since he lost his book about a month ago. Still in silence, he took the book and went back down to the common room.

A long time passed and still neither Sirius nor Remus had made any kind of movement. Finally, Remus said:

"Sirius, I—" Sirius shook his head to cut Remus off. Remus tried to get a look at Sirius's face, but he had turned away from Remus to face the window. Remus could feel tears sting his eyes, but he fought like crazy to keep them from coming to fruition. He did not want Sirius to see him cry, but most of all he did not want Sirius to know that their interaction had had this kind of effect on him. Remus thought that if he spoke again Sirius would hear the emotion in his voice, but he could not take the silence any longer.

"Sirius—" Again, Remus's cracked voice was cut off by a quick hand movement on Sirius's part. Finally, Sirius stood up, and without saying a word to his friend, left the room and did not spare a second glance. Finding this action more unbearable than anything Sirius could have done, Remus finally gave way to his emotions as he felt his knees buckle. Remus slid to the floor with his head in his hands and wept.


	6. Chapter 6

A few moments later, James was sitting in the common room pretending to study with Lily, when really she was studying and he was trying to distract her by, among other things, levitating her quill and making it tickle her on the neck.

"James!" Lily said in between giggles. "We have to study!"

"You just look so beautiful. It's distracting me," he said with a handsome grin. He let the quill fall onto the table, and then placed his hand on Lily's cheek. She blushed and he said, "How can you expect me to study when I've got the most beautiful girl in the school as my study partner?"

"Stop," Lily said, the blush on her face deepening immensely. She took his hand off her face and smiled. "You're distracting yourself, James Potter. You—"

Just then, Lily was cut off by Sirius stumbling down the flight of stairs that led to the seventh year boys' dormitory. Sirius did not even seem to notice them, and he barreled on across the room and through the portrait hole. Lily thought the look on his face was a mixture between sadness and anger, with an emphasis on the anger, and maybe another emotion she could not place. When the portrait hole swung shut, Lily turned to James. He was looking in the direction that Sirius had just gone, and Lily could tell that he wanted to be there for his best friend, whatever the matter was.

"You should see if he's okay," she said.

"What?" James said, distracted. "Oh... no," he said once he realized Lily was talking about Sirius. "I don't think it's me he wants to talk to."

"Who then?" Lily asked. "You're his best friend."

"I know," James was still looking toward where Sirius had just exited the room. "But I think something's going on between him and Remus."

"Well, how about this? I'll go talk to Remus if you go talk to Sirius," Lily said.

James finally looked back at Lily. "Really? You would do that?"

"Of course," she smiled. "I would do anything for you."

James stood up and pulled Lily up to him in a tight hug. "You're incredible," he whispered in her ear. He pulled back and looked into her deep green eyes before pulling her into a tender kiss. "I'm so lucky," he said once he finally pulled away.

"Yes, that you are," Lily said tapping him on the nose lightly. "But so am I," she added. James hugged her again and kissed her on her flushed cheek before running out of the common room after Sirius. He did not know where his friend had gone off to, but he had a few ideas as to where to check first.

While James searched for Sirius, Lily walked up to the boys' dormitory and listened closely before opening the door. She knew she could hear crying, and she was worried about how she may be received by her dear friend, but Lily and Remus had grown close over the years, and she hoped that this time he would let her in. Lily opened the door tentatively, and the sight she saw nearly broke her heart. When the door opened, Remus looked up so quickly at Lily that she thought he might have hurt his neck. His blotched face and red eyes gave away his tears, and the hopeful look on his face gave away the fact that he hoped it would be Sirius walking through that door.

Lily sat down on the ground next to her friend and waited patiently for him to speak first. She didn't want to force him to talk if he didn't want to, and she was more than willing to just be his literal shoulder to cry on if that's what he wanted. She remembered how Remus had been there for her after she turned James down for a date on principle although she had wanted more than anything to say yes for years before that. After losing Severus, she did not really have anyone else close enough to talk to, and Remus had been there for her the way she would be here for him now.

"Lily, go," Remus said. "I don't want anyone to see me like this."

Lily did not say anything, but she did not move either. Remus looked at her and once he realized she was not going anywhere, he allowed the tears to flow once more. Lily pulled Remus head down into her lap and rubbed his head while he lamented.

James was running down one of the seventh floor corridors, hoping that Sirius was not too far ahead of him. He had considered donning the Invisibility Cloak so that he could confront Sirius without worrying that he would escape before he got the chance, but James had not wanted to waste any time and more than that, he had not wanted to go into his dormitory knowing the state that Remus was probably in.

Unsure of what had happened or was happening between his two friends, James did not quite know how he was going to approach the situation. For the last few years, James had suspected that there was a bit more than friendly feelings between Moony and Padfoot, but knowing Sirius, James had assumed that no action would ever be taken. The time had come, James assumed, for both boys to face how they truly felt about each other, and what had resulted was a row between them. James and Sirius were best friends, but James knew that it would take more than that to break the surface of Sirius's feelings.

James rounded the corner and came to face a wall where he knew the Room of Requirement to be. James was almost one hundred percent certain that this is where Sirius would be, and he was even more certain of what Sirius had likely been thinking when he had attempted to enter the room. James paced back and forth in front of the door three times while saying _I need a place to think_ in his head each time_._ After the third go, a door appeared in front of him. With a bit of hesitation, James opened the door to the room and saw what seemed to be a quiet, albeit large, study room lined with desks and books and what looked like notes from previous occupiers. James peaked behind the privacy divider of the first large desk he came to and saw his best friend sitting there with his head in his hands.

"Sirius," he said quietly. Immediately, Sirius jumped from the desk and held his wand up a few inches from his dearest friend's chest.

"James," Sirius said with a sigh of relief while lowering his wand. "Get out of here," he said without another moment's hesitation.

"No," James said simply. He took a seat from a nearby desk and swung it around so that the back of the chair was closest to Sirius. He straddled the chair and looked at his friend who was still standing.

"Then I'll leave," Sirius said angrily.

"Sirius!" James said forcefully. "You're going to talk to me." With a wave of his wand James moved a large shelf in front of the door. Sirius looked at it and looked as if he was considering moving it out of the way, but he merely slumped his shoulders and went back to where he was sitting. James waited for Sirius to speak first.

"Well, what is it that you wanted?" Sirius finally asked after over a minute of silence.

"To talk," James said with a shrug.

"Oh?" Sirius said without looking at his friend. "About what?"

"You know what, Sirius."

"Did you talk to Remus?" Sirius said. His voice sounded nervous but also hopeful. James knew that Sirius was not quite ready to share whatever it was that was going on.

"No," James said. "I wanted to talk to you first."

"There's nothing to talk about," Sirius said, rising from his seat again. He started to pace across a small section of the room. "Remus probably never wants to speak to me again," Sirius said sadly. As soon as the sadness came, however, it was gone. Sirius was angry when he said, "I don't know what he wants from me!"

"What do you mean?" James asked calmly.

"I mean just that!" James thought Sirius's anger would push him to the point that he told James how he felt. "He expects me to just change my whole life, everything I've ever known, for him. Well, I'm not going to do that. I am who I am, and I'm not about to change for anyone." Sirius stopped pacing and looked at James for the first time since he had pointed his wand at him just a few minutes before. "I can't be who he wants me to be. He's one of my best mates, but I'm not going to risk everything for him."

"Why?" James asked. He figured he should keep his responses to a minimum so Sirius would keep talking.

"Why? What do you mean 'why'?" Sirius asked angrily. "Because I don't know how I feel. This all happened so fast—"

"Did it?" James interrupted.

The interruption took Sirius off guard and he spluttered a bit before answering. "What? What do you mean?"

"Well, if you ask me, this has been a long time coming," James said with a small smile.

"Good thing no one asked you," Sirius said. He finally took a seat where he had been sitting before James had entered. James knew Sirius was ready to talk for real. "How did you get in here anyway?" Sirius asked.

"I told the door I needed a place to think." Sirius nodded. Neither boy spoke for a long time, and James knew that this time he would have to make the first move. "Sirius," he finally said. "What happened up there?"

Sirius let out a long sigh and leaned back in his chair so he was looking up at the ceiling. "I don't know, James," he replied. "It's all too much."

"What do you mean 'too much,' Sirius?" James truly was confused.

"I don't know, James!" Sirius was out of his chair again with his back to James.

"Look, Sirius, whatever it is, you need to figure it out," James said, rising out of his chair as well. "It's obvious that there's something more than friendship between you and Remus." Sirius whipped around and faced James. "Oh, yeah, mate, we've all known it for years. You've just been too busy running around with every lass in the school or maybe you've just been too stupid to stop and take a second to notice it." Sirius opened his mouth to speak but James continued. "You're always afraid to admit how you really feel, and maybe that's because of your parents or maybe it's because of something else—I don't know. All I know is that you like Remus and Remus likes you, and there's no reason not to do something about it."

"That's easy for you to say, James," Sirius said, taking a step closer with venom in his eyes. "The girl you love loves you back! You've got it all. You know how she feels and she knows how you feel. This is so much more complicated than anything I or you have ever had to deal with."

James was taken aback. He didn't know that Sirius's feelings for Remus went as far as love. James grappled for the words he was looking for and said, "I—I… Things with Lily weren't always easy. Did you forget how long it took for her to finally say yes to me? I waited for her for years. More than six years, Sirius, and I would have waited six _hundred_ more. You have to fight for what you want. You can't just run away—"

"I'm in love with him." Saying the words out loud gave Sirius an overwhelming sense of freedom and relief that caused a smile to spread across his face for the first time since he had upset Remus in the common room a little while ago.

James smiled and pulled his best friend into a hug. "Of course you are," he said once he pulled away. "And everyone deserves to be with who they love."


	7. Chapter 7

Back in the boys' dormitory and after several minutes of crying, Remus finally took his head off of Lily's shoulder and laid his head back against the cold stone of the dormitory wall that he was sitting against.

"Why didn't you say yes to James even after you knew you liked him back?" Remus said after he wiped his last tear away.

Lily seemed surprised by the question, but she answered Remus as truthfully as she could. "I don't know… I think... I think I was still trying to hold onto something that wasn't there anymore. You know, my friendship with Severus. I knew that once I said yes to James, everything with Severus and me would come to an end." Lily turned to face Remus and took his hand in hers. "It's hard," she began. "It's really hard to let yourself be happy. I never thought it could be that hard but it really is," she said with a laugh. "We're afraid, and we don't want things to change, but sometimes… Sometimes we just have to let the light in."

Remus sighed and smiled through his still watery eyes. "I thought tonight would be it," Remus said with a shaky voice. "I thought tonight would be the night that I finally saw some light in _all _of my darkness." After he explained to Lily in detail what had happened between him and Sirius a little bit ago he said, "I love him, Lily."

"I know, Remus," was all she said in response. She put her head on his shoulder and he rested his head on top of her head. They sat like that for several seconds before Remus heard someone running lightly up the stairs. The person stopped for a moment before entering the room, and when the door opened, Remus thought his heart might explode into a million pieces. Sirius was standing in the doorway looking frightened and confused while all the while looking excited and nervous. Lily got up quickly, patted Sirius on the shoulder and then left the room to join James, her one true love.

Remus went to stand up, but before he could, Sirius dropped to the floor and grabbed Remus into a bruising kiss. Neither Sirius nor Remus had ever felt anything like it. Remus reached up and put both his hands into Sirius's hair, as Sirius scooted in closer and put his hands on Remus's waist. Remus was now sitting with his legs apart with Sirius on his knees in between Remus's legs. Remus could feel his friend shaking, but that only made Remus pull him deeper into the kiss. Remus moaned when he felt Sirius's tongue enter his mouth and discover all the bumps and crevices of Remus's mouth. This further enticed Sirius who let out a low growl as he moved his hands to Remus's neck and pulled him violently deeper and deeper into the kiss until both boys were lost.

Sirius moved his mouth to Remus's neck, and where he had placed gentle kisses before, he now bit at his friend hungrily, as if he would never be able to get enough of his taste. Remus felt the bulge in his pants tighten, but he fought to keep control, though he didn't know how long his control would last. He was panting as Sirius laid rough kisses all over his neck. Finally, Sirius came up for air and both boys panted together. Sirius put his forehead against Remus's for a few seconds before pulling away and looking deeply and passionately into Remus's eyes. Without warning, Sirius pressed his mouth against Remus's once again, biting on both of Remus's lips and feeling his way all around Remus's mouth with his own very hungry mouth.

Remus put his hands on Sirius's waist and pulled him in so that Sirius's body was resting against Remus's while the kissing continued. Sirius trailed his hands down to the end of Remus's shirt and tried to lift Remus's shirt over his head, but Remus moved his hands quickly and placed them around Sirius's wrists so that he could not lift the shirt. Fearing it would ruin the mood, Remus did not want Sirius to see his scars. Sirius pulled out of the kiss that the two boys were still sharing and looked at Remus with lust and desire. Remus had never seen Sirius look at him that way, and if he could, Remus would have taken a photograph so he could capture that look forever.

Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus very tenderly on the neck. When he pulled away, he looked at Remus and said, "Let me," and Remus released Sirius's wrists and allowed him to pull the shirt over his head, after which, Sirius quickly pulled his own shirt over his head, exposing toned chest.

Remus looked closely at Sirius to gauge his reaction but saw no look of fear or disgust or anything like it. Remus only saw raw passion, which caused the already large bulge in his pants to twitch uncomfortably. Sirius lowered himself down so that his face was parallel with Remus's chest. With as much fragility as he could muster, Sirius placed a soft kiss on a long scar that ran from one side of Remus's chest to another. Sirius moved further down and kissed a rather dark scar on the skin above the right side of Remus's rib cage. Then, Sirius trailed several soft kisses down to an old scar on Remus's pelvis. Remus's whole body was shaking as he sat against the wall and looked down at Sirius. Afraid of what might happen next, Remus pulled Sirius back up to him and kissed him fiercely.

Unable to resist, Sirius gave into Remus's kiss although he wanted to do more than just that. Unwilling to let Remus's or his own fear and uncertainty get in the way, Sirius kissed Remus while he unzipped the black school slacks Remus was wearing. Sirius went to put his hand in the now open spot, but Remus was quick and he put his hand on Sirius's wrist. Despite his hesitancy, Sirius could see the desire in Remus's eyes, and so Sirius moved Remus's hand gently and put his own hand down Remus's loose trousers.

Remus gasped and arched his back as he felt Sirius take hold of his erection, and Sirius's mouth fell open when he realized how much he wanted this. Sirius began massaging his hand around Remus's genitals, and Remus closed his eyes and moaned softly in response. Sirius's face was an inch from Remus's and although Remus's eyes were closed, Sirius had his eyes locked on Remus.

Sirius slid Remus's pants down to Remus's mid-thigh which allowed his hardness to break free, giving Remus immense relief.

"Sirius," Remus murmured in a voice that did not seem like his own.

At the sound of Remus saying his name, Sirius could not wait any longer. With one quick movement, Sirius's face was now down by Remus's waist, and before Remus could realize what was happening, he felt Sirius's warm mouth slide slowly over his hard shaft. Due to the shock, Remus's eyes jutted open and his pelvis thrust upward somewhat involuntarily, causing Sirius to take Remus full into his mouth. Sirius lifted his mouth off of Remus and coughed a bit. Without looking at him, Sirius waved away Remus's apologies and placed his mouth back over the tip of Remus's erection. This time Remus was prepared for it, but that did not stop the loud moan that escaped from his mouth.

Rhythmically, Sirius started to move up and down Remus's hard and pulsating erection. Remus moaned with each movement and began to buck his hips upwards into Sirius each time Sirius lowered himself further onto Remus, although Remus was careful not to go too far. Remus had a sharp intake of breath when he felt Sirius suck hard and then pull off of Remus's member. Sirius moved up to kiss Remus, but he pushed Sirius back down and Sirius smiled before starting in on Remus again.

This time, Sirius cupped Remus's sack and massaged it while moving his mouth up and down over Remus's sex. Gasping and moaning and whispering Sirius's name in a raspy, passion filled voice, Remus knew he was about to lose control. Sirius knew Remus was close, so he worked his member even harder, taking care to suck in hard each time he pulled his mouth up, knowing that it drove Remus crazy.

"Sirius," Remus moaned loudly, arching again. Knowing this was a signal, Sirius prepared himself, and when Remus released himself into Sirius's mouth, Sirius swallowed it quickly, coughed only a few times and then sat down next to Remus who turned his head to face Sirius and smiled, and a smile from Sirius followed.

Remus looked down and noticed that Sirius was hard in his pants. Wanting desperately to return the favor, Remus stood up, kicking his pants the rest of the way off and pulled Sirius up so that their torsos and waists were touching. Remus could feel Sirius growing even more as he kissed Sirius hard on the mouth. Lips still locked, Remus moved them over to his four-poster bed. He unzipped Sirius pants and pulled them down to the floor; he then lay on his bed and pulled Sirius on top of him. Remus moved his hand down and rubbed Sirius's throbbing erection, causing Sirius to breath heavily and arch into his touch. Unable and unwilling to control himself, Sirius pinned Remus's hands down and thrust his lips onto Remus's, forcing his tongue into Remus's mouth.

"Remus," Sirius called out in between kisses as he began to rock up and down quickly against Remus's body, each time caressing his hard member against Remus's stomach. While still kissing Remus, Sirius moved one of his hands down to his shaft and adjusted it so it was ready to enter Remus. When Remus felt the tip of Sirius on his hole, however, he sat up quickly and pushed Sirius off of him.

Sirius looked hurt and confused, and Remus looked extremely embarrassed. "Sirius," he said. "I can't… I can't do that. Not yet."

Without speaking, Sirius stood up off of Remus's bed, grabbed his trousers and shirt from the floor and walked over to his bed. He shoved his clothes in the trunk at the foot of his bed and climbed into his bed, closing the curtains violently.

"Sirius," Remus said to the curtains. "Sirius, I'm sorry… Please don't be upset with me. I'm just not ready for that yet. Maybe soon," Remus tried to smile in reassurance although Sirius could not see him. "We can something else... anything else," he added hopefully. Sirius said nothing, and Remus's insecurity instantly turned to anger. Remus felt that Sirius had no right to be angry with him, and he was not about to let Sirius do something to him that he wasn't ready for. In response to Sirius's silence, Remus closed the curtains around his own bed and turned over, knowing that he would get no sleep tonight.

Sirius lay on his back in his bed feeling hurt and embarrassed and confused. Of course, he didn't want to make Remus do anything he wasn't comfortable with, but did Remus really have to react that way? Sirius didn't think so. Sirius sulked in bed for a while before deciding that he would just have to sleep on it and talk to Remus about it in the following day.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Sirius woke up feeling groggy. He rubbed his eyes with both fists, and suddenly the memories of the night before came flooding back, causing Sirius's face to redden in embarrassment. Sirius knew that he shouldn't be angry with Remus, but his ego was causing him to act otherwise. The fact of the matter was that Sirius wanted Remus. Badly. Remus's scent would engulf Sirius, and the thought of the feel of his skin touching Sirius's skin was almost too much for Sirius to bear. He remembered the night before, lowering himself over his best friend and the burning sensation it sent throughout his entire body and radiated from his skin. It was also more than that. Sirius did not just want Remus's body. He wanted Remus's thoughts, his movements, his heart and soul. He wanted every piece of Remus that was available to him, and for that reason, Sirius had felt damaged after the previous night had not gone as he had desperately wanted it to.

Despite how desperately he wanted Remus in his bed, he _more _desperately wanted Remus out of his mind. For the past few weeks, Sirius had been moping around like a sick puppy, thinking of Remus and of all that he wanted to say and do, but Sirius had grown tired of this behavior. He wanted Remus now more than ever, but lying in his bed the morning after touching Remus for the first time, Sirius made a decision that he was not going to wait any longer. He wasn't going to chase but he wasn't going to stand by either. Sirius had made this decision, but for tonight, he decided it could all wait. He had been wanting to let loose for quite sometime and as Sirius sat up and slipped on his shoes, he decided that tonight he would.

Sirius climbed out of bed and expected to see Remus waiting for him to wake up so that they could talk about the night before, but when Sirius looked over at Remus's bed he saw that it was neatly made and that Remus's school bag was gone. Sirius surmised that Remus had gotten up early and gone down to breakfast, clearly not ready to handle their issues just as Sirius was not. Sirius decided not to dwell on Remus's absence, and he got himself ready for classes.

Later that evening, Remus, James, Peter, and Lily were sitting around a small table in the common room working on an essay on cross-species Switching Spells due the following day for Transfiguration. As usual, this consisted of Lily and Remus doing the work, while James found a way to distract himself and Peter usually becoming distressed, laying his head in his arms, and falling asleep. Sirius had not come back after classes, and Remus was trying not to act like his absence was bothering him. After Care of Magical Creatures was over that day, which was their last class of the day, Sirius had gone off with a few sixth and seventh year Gryffindors, to where, Remus did not know. James seemed as if he was not at all concerned about Sirius's whereabouts or about how Remus felt about the absence, but Remus did not notice every five minutes when James would glance at him out of the corner of his eye, then glance at the portrait hole, and then look back at what he was doing.

Everyone was aware of Sirius's absence, but no one was more aware of it than Remus. Remus imagined that his prolonged absence could only mean one thing: he was still angry with Remus for the night before, although Remus was angry at this thought-angry beyond belief that Sirius expected him to do something he just was not quite ready for. He loved Sirius, he did, but not only had Remus never done anything like that before, but he also wanted to make sure the moment was exactly right-where both of them were ready.

When he realized he was simply scribbling nonsense, Remus stopped writing and stared down at his parchment. He closed his eyes and immediately images of the night before replayed in Remus's mind. Remus could still feel Sirius warm touch on his arm, his thigh, and his face. He could smell Sirius's smell of male, mint, and soap, and without realizing it, he breathed in deeply. His heart began to beat faster than normal as Remus remembered the harsh but passionate kisses that Sirius had pulled Remus into, which made Remus feel like his muscles were fatiguing and his nervous system was failing. For a moment, Remus was back in the dormitory, looking up at Sirius whose muscular arms were on either side of him as Sirius hovered over him in his bed.

Just as Remus was about to become completely lost in thought, the portrait hole swung open, and a fairly heavily inebriated Sirius came stumbling into the room, carrying a bottle of firewhiskey. When he saw his friends sitting at a table across the room, he stood up straight and strode over to them, attempting to hide his condition.

"What're you up to?" Sirius slurred. He leaned against the chair Lily was sitting in, and James quickly stood up in order to take Sirius up to his bed. Sirius pushed James off and took a large swig from the bottle he was holding. He walked toward the stairs that led to the dormitory but stopped for a moment before ascending. With his back still turned to them, he said, "Remus," and then began walking up the stairs.

With a sharp intake of breath at the sound of Sirius saying his name, Remus gathered up his things slowly so he would not seem too eager. As calmly as he could and without looking at any of the others, he followed Sirius up to their room.

As soon as he opened the door to the dormitory, all of his things fell out of his hands and came crashing to the floor as he felt forceful hands push him against the wall. Without a word, Sirius pressed his mouth to Remus's. Remus instantly gave in to Sirius's advances and when he felt Sirius's tongue brush his lips, he quickly gave Sirius entrance into his mouth. When Sirius moved his knee so that it rubbed against Remus's groin, Remus groaned before gently pushing Sirius away.

Sirius reached his arms out to try to get to Remus again, but Remus maneuvered away from Sirius's grip and walked over this his own bed. Sirius remained where he had been standing—still and slightly dumbfounded.

"Sirius, come over here," Remus said, sitting down on his bed. For a moment, Remus did not think Sirius would comply, but slowly, Sirius turned around and walked crookedly over to the bed, taking a seat next to Remus. "We never really got to talk before or after what happened last night," Remus said, remembering how Sirius had come into the room without saying anything the night before and had gone to bed saying less. "I know you've had a bit to drink, but I think we should talk now. Or at least try to." Remus smiled meekly.

Sirius did not speak for a long time, and Remus thought it was best to wait, considering the state Sirius was in. Sirius was shaking slightly, but Remus pretended not to notice it. Without warning, Sirius leaned over and put his head on Remus's shoulder. Remus felt his own body tense up at the closeness, but he did not move Sirius away. After a few moments in that position, Sirius tilted his head so that his mouth was less than an inch from Remus's neck. Remus shivered when he felt Sirius's warm breath trail across his neck. Remus could smell the firewhiskey, but that only enhanced his attraction to his friend. When Remus felt Sirius's lips brush against his neck, he jumped up from the bed, causing Sirius to growl in frustration.

"Remus!" Sirius said as he fell back on the bed. "I'm dying!" Remus noticed that he did not sound angry, which relieved him, but he was determined to talk first. "I need you now," Sirius said. Remus knew it was the firewhiskey talking.

"Sirius, what are we doing?" Remus said with wide eyes, looking irritated and confused.

"Well, I was hoping I didn't have to explain it to you, Remus, but I guess your parents never had _that _talk with you," Sirius said. He was looking up at the canopy of Remus's bed. He had adjusted himself somewhat so that he was laying on the bed properly, with his head on Remus's pillow. One knee was bent up, and he had both hands behind his head.

"You know what I mean," Remus said in an annoyed tone. He knew Sirius was messing with him because he had been drinking tonight, but Remus was determined to make tonight the night they hammered out their issues. Although he was trying very hard to keep control, he could not help but stare at Sirius's body and imagine it over him once again as Sirius lay on his bed in his school uniform with his red and gold tie loosened and his white button down shirt clinging to his frame. Luckily for Remus, though, the knee Sirius had bent was blocking the outline of Sirius's groin from Remus's line of sight, something that surely would have been distracting for Remus in this conversation.

Sirius did not say anything, and Remus took this as a window of opportunity to speak his mind. "I want to be with you, Sirius," he said bluntly. "Like, for real. And I know you have this messed up reputation of being with tons of girls, but I want you, and I've wanted you for a long time. I don't just want a meaningless shag for one night and then I become 'old news,' as you often say. I want something real with you—"

"Remus—"

"No, Sirius, just let me finish," Remus said quickly. He took a step closer to the bed where Sirius had now turned on his side and was resting his head on his hand. "I thought we were close… That night in the hospital wing I thought things had changed for us, but then the next day, you ran away—"

"Remus," Sirius said again, but Remus continued, cutting him off.

"You were scared, and that would have been okay if you would have just talked to me about your fears." Remus was now pacing in front of the bed and he was not looking at Sirius. He therefore didn't notice that Sirius was smiling at him. "I was scared, too, Sirius. I was frightened out of my mind about giving myself to you, but I was willing to do it anyway because that's how badly I want to be with you," Remus paused for a moment and Sirius moved his mouth to speak but Remus went on, moving his hands animatedly as he spoke. "Then last night we made a huge step, but I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. We hadn't even talked about anything and you expected me to just give in without even talking about anything… Well, Sirius, I want to talk, and I want to figure things out because I'm ready. We owe it to ourselves to see what this is between us and what it could be because I have deep feelings for you, and I know you have feelings for me. I know you don't like to tie yourself down and I know you've never really done anything like this before and I know I'm your best mate, but I'm ready to be committed to you, and I'm ready for people to know about us, and I'm ready to be with you, I mean, really _be_ with you, Sirius." Remus's voice had risen in volume, and when he finally stopped pacing and faced Sirius, he was surprised to see Sirius sitting up on the edge of the bed grinning from ear to ear.

"Can I speak now?" Sirius asked him. Remus nodded sheepishly, realizing that the "talk" he wanted to have had so far only consisted of Remus rambling and Sirius sitting silently. Sirius did not saying anything at first, but he continued to smile a handsome smile that Remus finally returned. They looked at each other for a moment before Sirius shrugged and finally said, "I love you, Remus."

Instantly, the smile slid off of Remus's face and was replaced by wide eyes and an open mouth that Sirius longed to kiss.

"What?" Remus blinked several times.

"Well, I said 'I love you'," Sirius said again calmly. He was still smiling.

"Er—I—yeah, I heard you, but… You've been drinking; you don't know what you're saying," Remus licked his lips and walked forward so that he was standing a foot from where Sirius was sitting on the bed looking up at him. "D-do you really?"

"Yes," Sirius said again. "I know what I'm saying and I know I'm in love with you."

Remus looked down at his best friend and felt emotion wash over him. He knew Sirius had feelings for him and he knew they wanted to be with each other and he had hoped that tonight would be a breakthrough in their relationship, but never did Remus imagine Sirius confessing his love on this night. Remus walked over to Sirius and pulled him up to him in a deep and passionate kiss. When Sirius felt Remus's hands move to the back of his neck and run through the hairs on the back of his head, Sirius began to grab hungrily at Remus's clothes, trying to get them off as quickly as he could.

Remus pulled Sirius's tie over his head, and unbuttoned his shirt with quick and shaky hands, trying not to snap off any buttons. Sirius pulled Remus's shirt above his head, and once both boys were bare-chested, neither could get enough of the other. Remus rubbed his hands all over Sirius's firm chest, and Sirius put his hands on the back of Remus's head, pulling him as close as he could. Sirius moved his mouth to Remus's neck and left a small trail of bite marks behind him. Remus let his head roll back and he moaned loudly when Sirius slid his tongue from the top of Remus's neck down to the middle of his chest.

"Sirius," Remus gasped out when Sirius cupped his mouth over Remus's nipple and massaged it with his tongue. At the sound of his name, Sirius let out a low growl and pushed Remus onto the bed behind them.

Sirius climbed on top of Remus and pressed his mouth against Remus's neck, letting his tongue take in every taste of Remus. Remus closed his eyes and was breathing heavily as Sirius's mouth made a trail down Remus's stomach to about an inch above his pants. Remus felt Sirius's mouth move from his stomach and expected to feel his hands on his pants, but when Remus felt nothing, he opened his eyes and saw Sirius with his back straight and his legs straddling Remus looking tentatively at his lover.

"Sirius, come on," Remus said huskily taking Sirius's hands in his own and moving them to the zipper area of his pants. Sirius did not need any more encouragement, and he quickly loosened Remus pants, pulled them off and threw them to the side of his bed, taking no time to do away with his own pants, as well.

Remus looked down at both of their naked bodies and nearly released himself prematurely when he looked down and saw Sirius's hardness, which he realized was all for him. Remus pushed himself up and rolled the two of them over so that he was now poised above Sirius. Sirius smirked at Remus's forcefulness, and Remus smiled before moving down to Sirius's erection. Sirius jerked his head up and let out a small yell when he felt Remus's mouth close over the tip of Sirius's throbbing erection. Sirius relaxed as Remus began small movements up and down Sirius's shaft.

Remus was looking up at Sirius from where he was, trying to get cues as to what Sirius particularly enjoyed. When Remus took Sirius all the way in his mouth and sucked tightly, Sirius yelped again and thrust his pelvis upward. Sirius gasped out Remus's name as Remus began to move his head up and down faster, knowing that Sirius was almost at his peak. Sirius was breathing deeply and heavily as Remus continued, feeling his own hardness pulsating uncomfortably. Sirius was now moving in sync with Remus's movements while he curled his hands within Remus's hair. When Sirius was on the edge, he grabbed Remus's hair tightly in his fist and he could feel some of the hairs give way as he pushed Remus hard onto his shaft and released himself into Remus's mouth.

Without wasting a second, Sirius rolled them both over and took position over Remus. Sirius looked down at Remus whose eyes were full of desire, and Sirius immediately felt himself harden once again. He looked down at Remus who nodded, and Sirius grabbed his own member and positioned it at the tip of Remus's entrance. The feeling of Remus squirming underneath him trying to maneuver his way onto Sirius's hardness drove Sirius out of his mind, and he struggled to keep control. Sirius took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself; he knew that the initial entrance had to be done delicately. Sirius bent over the bed and picked up his wand that had been tossed onto the floor. He touched the tip of his wooden wand to the tip of his fleshy wand and watched as a light sheen of liquid covered his shaft.

After throwing his wand back to the ground, Sirius positioned himself so that one hand was next to Remus's head holding himself up, and the other hand was grasped around his own throbbing erection. Sirius exhaled and slowly pushed inside Remus. Instantly Remus's mouth opened in pleasure and he let out a throaty and heavy sigh. Sirius continued until he was all the way inside Remus, and then he stayed in that position for several moments. Remus looked up at Sirius, and Sirius moved out slowly until only his tip was left inside Remus. Remus breathed in and out heavily as Sirius moved back inside and once he was all the way in, Remus moaned quietly. As Sirius moved out again, Remus shook his head back and forth slowly a few times.

"More," Remus said quietly. Not needing to be told a second time, Sirius picked up the pace and started a quicker rhythm in and out of Remus, which then caused Remus to grip Sirius's hips tightly. Sirius smiled and bit his lip from the pleasure that Remus's tightness was giving him. Sirius was trying hard not to pound into Remus, but as Remus nodded him on, Sirius did not think he would be able to control himself for much longer.

When Remus moaned Sirius name, Sirius groaned and pushed harder in and out of Remus. Remus's moans were loud and out of control now, and Sirius threw his head back as he gave Remus all the force he could muster.

"Merlin, Remus," Sirius said loudly when he felt Remus's cheeks clamp hard around his erection. Remus's eyes were shut, but Sirius was staring down at Remus's body, enjoying the way Remus came unraveled underneath him. Approaching the finish, Sirius grabbed Remus's hands and placed them over his head as he went in and out of Remus, pounding him and making him moan and yelp shamelessly. When both were close, Sirius moved one of his hands off of Remus's hands and moved it onto Remus's hard member. He moved his hand up and down as he moved his own member in and out of Remus fast and hard. Sirius gave one final hard push inside Remus and both boys released their fluids.

"Sirius!"

"Remus!"

Sirius fell on top of Remus, and slid slowly to the side so that he was laying with his head in the crook of Remus's neck, one of Sirius's favorite places. Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius and placed his other hand on top of Sirius's hand, which was resting on Remus's stomach.

For several minutes, both young men lie there in silence, neither having the energy to speak and neither wanting to ruin the peacefulness of the silence. Sirius nuzzled Remus's neck and Remus lightly ran the fingers of the hand that was around Sirius across Sirius's arm. Sirius was smiling peacefully and Remus had his eyes closed, reliving the event that had just happened... one that neither would ever forget...


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius thought he could lay like this forever, in Remus's arms, with no concern for the outside world or the rest of the people in it. As he lay there, he forgot about Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters; he forgot about his family and his maniacal brother who was surely on his way to being one of Voldemort's most loyal followers; he forgot about James and Peter and Hogwarts and classes and everything. He just let Remus's smell and the feeling of his fingers running up and down his arm take over his thoughts and his senses.

Holding Sirius in his arms, Remus was lost as well. He forgot about the wizarding world that was falling apart; he forgot about the problems he'd had with Sirius over the last few weeks; he forgot about his lycanthropy, the condition that was the cause of almost all Remus's problems—a condition that would never go away. But Remus was not thinking about this. He was not thinking about anything but the smell of Sirius's hair and the squareness of Sirius's jaw line that Remus could not get enough of.

After many minutes of being lost in each other, Remus was the first to speak.

"I love you, too," was all he said.

"A bit late for that, don't you think?" Sirius said, but he was smiling the most loving smile, and he thought his heart might cave in from the love he felt for Remus.

"It's never too late," Remus said, smiling as well.

Sirius took the hand that was lying on Remus's stomach and he traced the scars on Remus's chest and stomach. Remus tried to move Sirius's hand away gently, always embarrassed of the marks his transformations left behind.

"I love your scars," Sirius said as he attempted to avoid Remus's hand pushing his own hand away.

"No, you don't," Remus said.

"Yes, I really do," Sirius said gently. "I love them because... they show me just how strong you are." Remus sighed and Sirius continued. "Your scars were what made me fall in love with you."

"How?" Remus asked, finally dropping his hand down by his side and allowing Sirius to continue his tracing in peace and enjoying how Sirius's touch seemed to light his skin on fire.

"That night," Sirius said. He was talking very quietly and Remus had to strain his ears to hear him. "The night of your transformation, you know, the night before everything happened in the hospital wing," he paused for a moment as if he was thinking back. "That was the night I fell in love with you… Seeing you like that, exposed and vulnerable, I wanted to protect you. I wanted to be there for you. Always."

The last word Sirius said was barely above a whisper, but Remus heard it loud and clear. Remus had loved Sirius for years, but it was that night in the hospital wing that Remus had realized there might be something more between himself and his best friend. Sirius continued to trace, and Remus spoke.

"Do you want to know when I fell in love with you?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. "It was fifth year—"

"Fifth year?" Sirius lifted his head up and looked at Remus. He looked shocked. "You waited all this time—"

"Yes, fifth year," Remus said, continuing on with his story. "It was fifth year and I had just come in from my first prefect duty of the year. You had waited up for me to tell me a story about something you and James had done to Snape. You'd made me tea and when I came into the common room and saw you in front of the fireplace drinking your tea and reading while you waited for me… That was when I knew I loved you. You always wanted to talk to me, especially me, and I loved you for that," Remus sighed. "Of course," he added, "I began to question my love for you later that year after what you did to Snape—"

"You know I feel bad about that, Rem," Sirius said.

"Of course I know," Remus said. "But you and James still hate him so much... I know why… For James, it's Lily, but for you… You hate him because he reminds you of your family. All that pureblood nonsense. You hate that and you hate Snape because he subscribes to it, too."

Sirius did not say anything, but instead he placed a soft kiss on Remus's neck. More than anything, Sirius loved knowing that there was somebody out there who understood him above all other people. Sirius had never had this before. Sure, he'd had relationships with many girls, but nothing that ever felt like this. Remus made Sirius feel safe and happy but also scared and vulnerable. He could imagine a future with Remus—a future where he was safe from everything around him knowing that Remus would always be with him. Sirius made Remus feel secure about himself and about the world around him. Remus always felt like second best, except now being with Sirius, knowing that he loved someone and was loved deeply in return. After another long time in silence, Sirius said something that caught Remus off guard.

"Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" Sirius asked.

"We always go to Hogsmeade together," Remus said, although he knew full well what Sirius was trying to say.

Sirius smiled and chuckled. "Yes, that we do, but I mean do you want to go to Hogsmeade _with_ me? We could spend the day together, just you and me, talking and… well, I was going to say getting to know each other, but since we're best friends, I already know everything about you."

Remus laughed and said, "I would love to go with you. I'm sure we'll find something to talk about." Sirius smiled and moved in closer to Remus, resting his head and feeling himself drift off. "I almost gave up on you... on me and you." Sirius looked over at Remus who was looking off in the distance. "I'm glad I didn't." Sirius's breath caught and he thought for a moment that he may give in fully to the emotion he was feeling, but instead, he wrapped his arms around Remus and fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.

The next few days passed like a dream for Remus and Sirius. They simply could not get enough of each other. Remus was due for a transformation the following week, but for now, neither was concerned about anything except being with the other. Sirius spent hours in the library, a place he rarely frequented, just so that he could spend all of his spare time with Remus. Now that the two had admitted their feelings for one another, there was no pressure and no awkwardness. They could just be in each other's presence without a care in the world. They did, however, try to keep their PDA to a minimum, not wanting the whole school gossiping about them in their last few months at Hogwarts, although there were many people who knew about the pair.

Very often, while walking through the corridors together, Sirius would pull Remus into an empty classroom and kiss Remus until Remus's lips were red and swollen. At night, before Peter and James came up to bed, Remus would lay in Sirius's bed—or perhaps the other way around—and they would simply hold each other for as long as they could without saying much of anything. They did not do these things in secret because they were ashamed of each other or because they were hiding, but both enjoyed the privacy of their love. James and Peter both knew about Remus and Sirius, but Remus and Sirius enjoyed the fact that no one knew just how much they loved each other besides them. They preferred to keep intruders away from their love.

That weekend, the weekend of the Hogsmeade visit, Sirius woke up with a spring in his step. James, Lily, and Remus all had prefect and head boy/girl duty, but James and Lily planned on sneaking off somewhere private, and Remus planned to do the same and sneak off to find Sirius.

While Sirius was brushing his teeth in the bathroom, Remus came up behind him and put his arms around Sirius's waist.

"Are you excited for today?" Remus asked before placing a gentle kiss on Sirius's neck.

Sirius bent over and spit the paste from his mouth and said, "More than you know."

A few hours later, Sirius was walking up to the entrance of Hogsmeade with the rest of the of-age Hogwarts students. When he walked past the post that Remus was manning, he winked at his dear and kept on walking, noticing Remus's blush and smiling.

Sirius went into the Three Broomsticks and found a corner table that was somewhat hidden from the rest of the tavern. He ordered two butterbeers and sipped on his while he waited patiently for Remus to join him.

After a fairly long while, Remus came sneakily into the Three Broomsticks and quickly spotted Sirius in the corner, making a beeline for him and accompanying him at the table.

"Took you long enough," Sirius said, bringing his butterbeer to his lips. Remus smiled and took a drink of the butterbeer Sirius had gotten him.

"Well, I could lose my badge for this," he said. "I have to be careful."

"Would losing your badge really be the worst thing?" Sirius asked. He had always poked fun at Remus for being a prefect.

"Oh, you're such a laugh," Remus said. "After what the _Prophet_ said yesterday, Dumbledore wanted to make sure security was extra tight."

"Let's not talk about that," Sirius said. He reached out his hand palm up on the table, and Remus obliged, putting his hand in Sirius's. "I love you," Sirius said.

"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that," Remus sighed and closed his eyes.

"Well, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. I'll say it so much that you'll beg me to stop," Sirius said. "That won't be all you're begging for," he added.

Remus nearly choked on his butterbeer.


	10. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

More than four years after Sirius had first said 'I love you' to Remus, Remus held his traveling cloak tightly around him while he walked up a hill that was decorated with unsightly stone steps. Rain was hitting him in the face as the wind howled violently, and Remus shivered, although not entirely from the weather. His heart was beating rather quickly and his breathing was labored as he continued to ascend.

Once he reached his destination, he was searched by two Aurors at the entrance. When he stepped inside, he was immediately overcome with a feeling of dread and emptiness. For a moment, he forgot where he was and why he was there, and as he glanced over at two Dementors who were hovering on either side of him, the chill that he had felt outside suddenly seemed much more welcoming than the chill inside Azkaban prison.

Remus walked slowly down the hallway that was lined with cells. He tried not to look at the occupants, but he could not help but notice that most of them were sitting in the corners of their cells, talking to themselves, picking at the wall, or just staring blankly. Remus closed his eyes for a moment once he reached the cell he had been bound for. He had come here for a specific purpose and he wanted to make sure he achieved that no matter how sad, deranged, pathetic, or emotional Sirius looked. Sirius was sitting against the back wall of his cell with his knees bent up and his head resting in between them.

He stood in front of Sirius's cell for a full minute before Sirius finally tilted his head upward. Remus did not know what reaction he had expected from Sirius. Perhaps he had wanted Sirius to jump up and rush over to him, and try to pull Remus into his cell. Perhaps he had wanted Sirius to immediately begin crying and explaining himself. Remus had expected to see something in his eyes: love, sadness, rage, madness… hope. But what he really saw in Sirius nearly stopped his heart cold.

Sirius's eyes were dead. He did not move, and he did not speak to greet Remus. Remus searched and searched but found nothing but emptiness in Sirius's eyes, because of Azkaban or because of what he'd done, Remus did not know. The only sign Sirius even gave that he was alive was an ever so slight tilt of the head to the side. Although the Dementors had not performed the Kiss on Sirius, Remus did not know how Sirius could get much worse.

Remus took a step closer to Sirius's cell and said what he came to say. "I came to say goodbye," he was silent for a moment. "I did not come here to ask why or to hear you apologize or anything. I just came to say goodbye. This is the last time you will ever see me… I loved you, Sirius," Remus's voice broke. He looked at Sirius who still had his head slightly cocked to the side. After a moment, Sirius moved his mouth, but Remus could not make out the words. After another minute, Remus took Sirius in for the last time. He looked at his hair, his arms and legs, and his perfect jaw line that Remus loved so much. Without another word, Remus turned to leave. When he began to walk, he thought he heard his name, but when he turned to look at Sirius, Sirius's head was back in his knees.

Remus walked slowly to the exit and allowed the tears to fall freely as he said goodbye to his one true love.

End.

_Thank you so much to everyone who read, reviewed, and enjoyed my story. I took each comment to heart, and you will never understand my gratitude. A sequel may be in the future so keep an eye out. Thank you again._


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